Apologies for my M. I. A ways these past couple of months. I was settling into a new job and finding my feet. Change is not always easy but am happy to report that although the experience has been extremely difficult at times it has also been rewarding.
Since moving to Dubai, I have been struggling with consistency on the blog. Most times life honestly feels overwhelmingly heavy which in turn disturbs the flow of creative juices. However, I am determined to break the cycle and upload content more regularly to blog.
I am planning to do a ‘Working Girl Series’ to share my work experiences and lessons from the past four years. Comment below if you are excited about the ‘Working Girl’ series! Work has been a major part of my story and sharing my experiences has been an idea that I have been trying to put off for the longest time. This year I am embracing my story, the good, the bad and everything in between and most importantly sharing it with my Style Squad. Stay Tuned!
Who remembers adolescence? That awkward age when you aren’t quite yet considered an adult and certainly not an unknowing child either. Society terms it growing pains, the years that basically shape your adult life and I must say I hated every second of it. I was awkward, embarrassingly shy, had a bad case of eczema and various associated allergies, the list was endless. I never felt beautiful or attractive, zero confidence across the board. I am not a 100% but this must have been the time I started to slouch, anything to get attention as far away from me as possible.
*Funny story about ‘the slouch’ I genuinely had no idea I had a slouch until someone mentioned it to me in passing well into my teenage years. By then, it was a little too late. I turned 27 this January and guess what? I STILL SLOUCH!! SOS! #FML. At this point, its a part of my identity, I am fully aware I do it, I just do not know how to stop.*
I remember my mum trying so hard to get me interested in makeup and fashion (bless her soul) but I wasn’t having it. I just wanted absolutely nothing to do with the whole thing, but the sad truth was deep down I really wanted to play with makeup and bond with my mum and friends over our mutual interests but I didn’t think I was worthy and I hid it in anger every time the subject was broached.
One day, my mum casually suggested I try eyeliner like my best friend Rumbi had started doing. Now, saying I got upset is the understatement of the century, I was livid. She hadn’t said or done anything wrong but in my mind she had just confirmed the ‘truth’ I had known all along, I was ugly and I needed makeup to salvage the disaster that was my face. A very dark time it was. It goes without saying but mum had nothing but the best intentions for me, she just wanted me to see the same beauty she saw in me daily.
My confidence issues were a continuous up-hill battle but in secret, I started living vicariously through mama’s fashion lenses. Mum was actually my very first #fashiongoals, she doesn’t know this but one of my favorite pass-times was admiring her closet. I wouldn’t play dress up but her clothes were vibrant and colorful, a true reflection of her personality and happy spirit, I just got sucked in. When Mother Mavu put an outfit together, honey, an undeniable confidence oozed out of her. When she looked good, it was clear she felt good. A true African Queen.
Anthropologists suggest that our actions are governed by learnt behaviors. We inadvertently learn certain behaviors and patterns through watching others, our parents, for example. All the years I watched and admired Mother Mavu’s fashion looks planted an internal seed that has only started to grow recently. When I was angry, full of resentment and resistant to Mother Mavu’s efforts she didn’t give up on me, she silently showed me the way. Now, I am a FASHION and BEAUTY BLOGGER sharing my stories and hopefully inspiring girls and women all around the world to find their own confidence and style one look at a time!
I haven’t overcome all my confidence issues yet and at times, I still feel unattractive and I slouch but I am learning that confidence isn’t an external entity that is beyond my sphere of influence or control. I am in control and confidence is a continuous goal that I must pursue and work towards maintaining.
Now we hide behind terms like ‘SELF LOVE’ especially on social media as a quick remedy to overcome self esteem and confidence issues. Supposedly, all we need is SELF LOVE and belief in ourselves to be confident beings! I have definitely moved away from my old destructive notions but honestly I’m doubtful I fully grasp the #SELFLOVE Instagram movement as the main cure.
Personally, I am finding that there are no quick fixes but different ways to boost confidence daily. I have found affirmations to be an extremely helpful tool to kick start my confidence especially before going into work. Planning for photo shoots, content creation and pursuing my creative projects also work to increase my confidence in the ordinary day to day. Most importantly, looking good just as mama taught me sends the blues away. When I look good, I feel good 100%. Nothing and no one can stop me, it’s like I’m on another mentality when the outfit is just right.
Speaking of photo shoots, a big THANK YOU to the kind hearted and talented photographer Samer for constantly pushing the bar, an unparalleled willingness to experiment and the patience of a monk. The best in the game! Check out Samer’s awesome website HERE to see all his amazing work.
2 PIECE FLORAL SUIT BY ALICE MCCALL FROM AMERICAN RAG CIE DUBAI.
I would love to hear all your confidence war stories. Hit me up in the comments section below! Where are all my slouchers at? hahaha
THE CONFIDENCE HUNTER,